Quest for Happiness

Getting your heartbroken is never easy, but I'm pretty much a pro at it.

Recently, I lost someone near and dear to me. I didn't know it when we first met, but he made a dramatic impact on my life. I went through heaven and hell with that man just to build something of substance. However, I know there was a limit, and we had reached it. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.

In the beginning, I always feel like my world has ended, and I can't possibly move on. But, then I realize, I WILL prosper and survive. There is someone out there that'll treat me the way I deserve and stand up for me when others disrespect me. There's someone who will want to make me happy, and do all the things I do for them. Someone who will randomly run across a card that reminds them of me, and send it just to let me know I'm cared about. Someday.

I'm always quick to give, slow to take. Easy to trust, resent letting go. Love hard, break easily..

About a month ago, I wrote a poem, which has been my life's story. I'm hoping it reminds me of what not to do anymore to simply hold on to someone.

Dear future me,
It's never worth it.

"Quest for Happiness"

Ghosts of my past haunt my present,
Past loves never seem to go away,
All I feel is heartache.
Everything in me is screaming for you to stay,
Everything in me is fighting you away,
I know you'll go away..
Sex takes me to a higher place.
For those few moments there is no heartache,
There is no loneliness,
Yet I'm still alone.
Each stroke removes my pain,
My guilt and shame
Escape through the tears I shed,
Only to be soaked in again.
You'll never understand,
"I'm just a friend,"
But friends don't fuck.
And past pain never leaves,
And there's no future in "us,"
All I feel is heartache.

The Thoughts of an Endless Giver

You give them chances while you hurt,
You give them your heart while you bleed,
You try to give them everything that they need..
I offered all of me.
And now,
I'm left with nothing.
Nothing but a pillow to cry on,
To drown out my cries of sorrow,
To carry me off to sleep,
I only have me.

Him.

Ladies, you know those times when you just can't get that guy off your mind. No matter how bad he treated you or how much he hurt you, you can't help but think about him. Well, this poem was inspired by my guy. I know most of you can relate! Enjoy.

It was just a crush,
a simple crush.
A combination of infatuation,
and lust,
or so I thought.
Your soft skin and hard body drove me crazy,
Endless sensations.
And each time you touched me, my feelings grew to heights that still amaze me.
The way you whispered in my ear and kissed my neck,
Only fueled my drive,
With you,
I finally felt alive..
On the verge of death.